Anna's Pregnancy Journal

My headaches are back with a vengeance!

I just noticed that my belly is looking decidedly rounder than usual.

I thought I felt a little nudge in my belly last night, but it was probably just gas.

I crave spaghetti with tomato sauce and mozzarella cheese.

It's been crazy...the last two days the university has been closed due to the snowstorm! Apparently this hasn't happened for like 30 years! I'm not looking forward to the pile of work to deal with tomorrow, but I think I'll manage.

Today is Valentine's Day! My awesome husband bought me chocolate and wrote a really sweet card. I was also supposed to have flowers delivered at work...snow ruins everything! I'm just very happy and blessed and I love my hubby so much! We're going to a local Italian place for dinner, and I'm going to get "shrimp diavolo." I'm psyched.

In baby news, I managed to get a little bit of exercise yesterday trudging through the snow, and it felt great. My jeans are already a bit snug, and I'm taking the weight gain harder than I thought I would. It's not like I'm skinny or anything to begin with, but I've always managed my weight at "pleasantly plump"...getting bigger is not something I'm thrilled about.

We were supposed to have a waterbirth meeting thingie, but it was cancelled due to snow. I don't think I'd actually want that, but having the option is nice. I'm all about options in this pregnancy!

Not much else going on baby-wise. A couple of weeks until the next meeting...to see the OB for the first time...

I've been having some troubles sleeping lately, and unfortunately my husband has born the brunt of my frustration. He has gotten to know the guest bedroom well :( It's not my fault that I'm incredibly uncomfortable, all the time!

Anywho, in addition to having trouble getting the right temperature and in the right bedroom clothing (everything is slowly getting too tight, which is predictable but depressing) I've been having the wackiest dreams.

Two nights ago I dreamt about the fact that my child was not my husband's. This all made perfect sense to me in the dream, but unless you start calling me Mary - there's no physical way that's possible.

Last night, I dreamt the horrible dream that all first trimester mothers-to-be have. I miscarried. All 4 of my babies. And I kept the little two inch fetuses in glass jars by my bed. It was very odd.

Hopefully tonight I'll dream about sunshine and moonbeams. I deserve it.

So, things seem to be straightened away with my parents and friend. This is a good thing, I have enough things to stress me out in my daily life instead of worrying about things with people thousands of miles away. I apparently need a synonym for things.

The huge news in baby-land is that we had an appointment on Thursday of last week in which we Heard The Heartbeat! It was about 160 bpm and sounded like a little helicopter. I talked a bit with the nurse practitioner who was giving my appointment, and she was very "well, things are probably not going to be the way you want" As in, "well, we'll *try* to get you to see your doctor every other time you're here, but sometimes that won't work" and "how are they supposed to know their vacation schedules by now?" and "you'll get to have one sonogram and maybe you'll get to have another, it's up to us you know" and "you want to meet more than one doctor? No One Has Ever Asked Me That Before" So, clearly I was very "Are you kidding me? Quit treating me like an ignorant first time mom, thank you very much." Needless to say, I wasn't thrilled with her. And if I have to see her the majority of my visits, that doesn't make me very happy. If my doctor has the same attitude she does, well, I'm not sure what I'll do. Probably cry. That seems to be the overemotional reaction I have to most things lately.

Anyway, most of the first trimester feelings I've been having are subsiding. I don't have that weird pit in my stomach anymore, and I'm back to eating huge servings of my favorite food (pasta with tomato sauce and cheeeeeese!) I have a bit of a sweet-tooth lately, and the abundance of Valentine's Day candies and cupcakes available are not helping. On an unrelated note, it seems that I have gained about 6 pounds. This is a bit high, so I'm going to need to curb the sweets sometime soon. Sometime.

Also, as related to the subject of this post, I have been at the heights of crankiness. I feel really bad for my husband. I am just a big jerk lately. Hopefully I'll get over it soon, I think the sub-zero temperatures have something to do with it.

I've been feeling a lot of stress lately. I like my job, but it keeps me really busy. It's the kind of job where I have like 20 people needing my attention *right now*.

Then, I had a bad tutoring day on Sunday. Lots of kids with things I didn't know, which made me feel stupid. The hubby got frustrated with me and it made me cry during my session. It felt good to cry, I think I needed it.

Also, I attribute this one to pregnancy hormones... I told my best friend my treasured, close to my heart, girl baby name. Immediately she said "wow I really like that" and proceeded to say that it was one of her favorite baby names. This pissed me off. It's my grandma's name. It was my middle name before I changed it to my maiden name when I got married. This is my family name, this is my name, and it would kill me inside if she took it. Then again, I'm being silly because I don't know why I'm stressed about my best friend stealing my baby name when she's not even pregnant or married. And she wouldn't do that to me, would she?

After all that, I got in a big argument with my parents. They said some things that really hurt me, for no reason. I'm still upset about this, so I'm not ready to write about it yet.

I guess I just feel like I can't trust anyone lately, and it makes me feel alone.

As for the baby, he or she seems to be doing fine. Not much in the way of nausea, the backaches seem to have gone away. I had a headache last week that needed lots of Tylenol, but I seem to be over that too. Thursday is my first appointment! For some reason, now, I really really want a girl.

I want my **** **** :-)
To be revealed to the world at a later date!

Yeah, I feel like I gained like 10 pounds in the last few days. My pants don't fit and I'm all bloated. This is extremely depressing because, like most women, I have major body image issues. This pregnancy thing is not going to help, but I guess I should have known this is what I'm in for.

Since the puke fest a few days ago at work, I have managed to keep everything else down with the help of saltines. Hopefully next week works as successfully.

I can't wait, in a week and a half I have my first doctor's appointment and maybe we'll hear a heartbeat! It is quite awesome. We went to a baby furniture store over the weekend and had some sticker shock. Thank God for free cribs from family members.

Still haven't told work, I plan on waiting until March. If I don't gain another 20 pounds by then. You know, I think they'll notice.

Today was an... interesting day. I tried to eat yogurt. My GI tract rejected it. First time that's happened! I mean, I've felt queasy before, I still can't think about pasta, but never actually thrown up due to this baby. Now it's more real to me, I guess. It was really weird, because I didn't feel nauseous, just very dizzy... and then blammo, I had to sprint to the bathroom and hug the porcelain.

I started my new job yesterday, and it's going pretty well thus far, though I'm busier working here than I was basically throughout my entire last job. I've been keeping away from the 1975-vintage microwave (best guess here - I have no idea how old it is, but it uses hamsters to spin the turntable thingy, and the door is on hinges like a toaster oven) because I'm afraid of nuking my baby instead of my lunch.

I guess I'm just really tired, kind of headachy, kind of pukey, and kind of awesome.

Many thanks to my husband for taking dictation and editorializing (often) for this post.

Much love,

Anna (and the Boy, who is likewise awesome)

I've been unexpectedly home from work this week, because it's my last week of work and my boss basically told me to just stay home once I got everything wrapped up. Actually, I'd really rather have been working! Instead I've been sitting around the house wallowing in my feelings of nausea and food aversions.

Pasta is probably my favorite food. I ate bowls of pasta with my dad's homemade sauce probably twice a week as a teenager, and now I make it for myself about once a week.

Guess what my biggest food aversion is right now?

Ugh, it's terrible! I made a huge baked ziti on Wednesday, had a couple bites and felt really ill. The next day, my husband went to warm some up for dinner and I had to leave the room the smell affected me so badly. At this point, even thinking of the words "baked ziti" turns my stomach. Ok, that's enough of that.

I'm a little worried, because I talked with some of my friends from church and they had not-so-nice things to say about the doctor I'm currently with. I've actually never met her, but they say that she has a bad bedside manner. I'm pretty sensitive, so I dunno what to do. I don't really want to change doctors because the clinic I go to is really convenient for me. I'll give her a chance and meet her before I dump her, I guess!

Anyway, I've had basically no cramping this week, just this annoying little nausea problem. Looking forward to my first doctor appointment on February 1st!

Man, I feel icky. Not to be TMI or anything...but the whole morning sickness thing, I haven't actually done the deed, but I'm nauseated all the time. You know how when you're sick, sometimes throwing up just makes you feel better? I have a feeling this doesn't work that way, so I'm not going to push the issue. Hopefully the uneasy stomach will stop on its own.

I'm just starting to let myself get excited about this pregnancy. I've still got about a month until I'm in the safe(r) zone, but I want to start feeling connected with my baby already! For the past three weeks, I've ignored its existence because I didn't want to get too connected and be heartbroken if it ends. Life's too short, I've got to enjoy every moment of this!

I'm a pregnant woman! I'm carrying a life inside of me, a life that someday will be an infant, a child, a teenager, and an adult! I look forward to the days ahead as my tummy grows and I need to buy new clothes. I look forward to picking out the crib, the carseat, the highchair. I can't wait until we have dinner together, with a little baby playing with its applesauce right between us. All these events lie ahead, but right now I need to enjoy the *right now*

I'm barely pregnant. I have a feeling that I've never felt before in my life. A mixture of exhaustion and nausea and fear and wonder...and it's the best I've ever felt.

Still enjoying life without morning sickness, but I do feel queasy from time to time and have very little appetite. I keep trying to think of things I'm interested in eating, but nothing is cutting it. This is really strange for me, because I always love to eat!

Just got up from a 3 hour nap, so I guess that makes fatigue my biggest symptom at this time.

I'm nervous because I was really cold last night, so I decided to go to sleep with the electric blanket on the lowest setting. Well, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like I was burning up! I quickly turned off the blanket, but now I'm scared I toasted the baby :(

I go back to my work as a lab tech (chemist) for my last week this week, which also has me stressed. I told my boss before I left for Christmas that I can't do any lab work that last week, and he agreed - but I'm still stressed about being in the environment. It should be ok, though, because no one really deals with smelly chemicals and I have my own desk that's a chem-free zone! After that, off to my safe secretary job. I've never been a secretary before, always a chemist...so this will be interesting!

Yeah, so today I locked myself out of the house when I went to get the mail. This resulted in bothering my 80 year old neighbor and hanging out at his house while waiting for the locksmith. I was quite embarassed, and quite upset that I'm now out fifty-five dollars because I'm a moron. Oh well.

Tomorrow I have a "Great Expectations" question and answer group session thing. It's weird, I don't know how much I like having a group meeting, plus my appointment in a couple of weeks is with the nurse again and not the OB. I think I need to get all "I want to see my doctor!" sometime soon, but I don't want to upset the nurse. She's kind of cool.

In other news, I've been feeling like crap lately. Kind of nauseated but no product of said nausea as of yet. And my appetite has dwindled to nothing, along with my energy. Optimally, I would just sleep, all day. Getting back to work next week should be interesting!

Oh, and we told the church group about our pregnancy which was awesome. We're kind of the young ones in the group, and one of few without children - so there was lots of awwwwww-ing. Hopefully I'll have lots of helpers!

I am SO GLAD to be home! We're in the process of packing up all of our Christmas stuff, and are settling in for a long winter. So far, the weather hasn't been too harsh. It's kind of grey out, but I'm still planning to take a walk or bike ride today to get my daily exercise.

Now, to get to the good stuff. My boobs, they are killing me. I bought a couple of bigger bras, but I'm hesitant to start wearing them this early - I'm not even 2 months pregnant yet! Other than the painful breasts and constant exhaustion, I'm feeling okay. Still praying that morning sickness evades me!

I've been so tired lately. Yesterday I tried to get some exercise by taking a 45 minute walk with the hubby. When we got home (at about 3 pm) I was so exhausted that I fell into bed and slept for THREE HOURS. Today we spent a lot of time walking around the zoo, and I feel a bit better this time around.

Tomorrow morning we leave the inlaws to head back to life in cornfieldland. I'm looking forward to it because I haven't been around my house for 10 days, and I miss it! Plus I really want to start cooking for myself, way too much less-than-healthy takeout and family-style cooking lately.

We're planning a nice quiet just the two/three of us new years eve - it's going to be awesome!

It's been a busy week, with visiting my parents and now my in-laws. Looking forward to everything calming down soon.

Pregnancy-wise, not much is going on! I don't feel sick at all. My mom and grandma (her mom) said that they never got morning sickness - so maybe I'm just lucky? Still, though, it would be nice to know I'm pregnant more personally than a couple of tests. No serious cramping or spotting or anything, so I'm praying that all is still ok in baby land.

Well, the cat's out of the bag! I told both my inlaws and my parents, and very positive reactions all around. My father in law is an OB-GYN, so he's all recommending not getting all too excited until 10 weeks. I guess that has me a little stressed out, and I'm not as bouncy happy about the pregnancy as I expected.

I'm kind of scared - of the responsibility, life changes, birth, etc. My husband asked me today why I'm not more excited - and I guess I don't have a good answer. It just doesn't feel real yet, and I'm just pretty scared of the whole thing to begin with!

But, I am very happy that I'm pregnant, even if I'm not shouting with joy at the moment.
Taking some time to be reserved.

It doesn't feel real yet. We haven't told anyone in my family or my husband's family yet...just my dental hygienist, lol! We had a church potluck thing yesterday, and we didn't tell anyone because we felt like we should tell our parents first! Man, it was tough to not say anything!

We're heading out today to visit both sets of inlaws for the holidays...next year, they'll be coming to us!

I can't believe it.

We just saw two very pink lines.

Calling the doctor tomorrow...

*prays* :) :) :)